As J gets older we notice quite big changes in his behaviour. Obviously these things happen for any child as they grow and develop. Their bodies change, their minds change and they form opinions and ideas of their own. All children need support and encouragement to deal with these changes and help them to manage their feelings and behaviour appropriately.
Part of the difficulty we have is knowing just how much J understands. My feeling is that his Autism is not an excuse to allow him to behave in any way he wants. We still have a responsibility to show him the right way, to help him calm his emotions and to choose nicer ways to deal with his he feels. He may take a little longer to understand it and need to be shown more often but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep trying. He will become and adult and we wouldn’t be doing our duty as parents if we didn’t give him the skills to enable him to function in the world. If he doesn’t develop the ability to deal with his feelings and to manage his reactions, he will not know how to deal with other adults and this could end up getting him into a lot of trouble!
Lately he has become a bit more ‘stubborn’ as his teacher puts it. I’m sure it’s her nicer way of saying he is just being awkward and refusing to do certain things! We have found this at home too. He says ‘bup’ whin means no and lifts his shoulder whilst turning away from us, or shaking his head and raising his hand. He takes things from his brother, sister and cousins more often than before and refuses to hive them back. He has started to hit out at times and refuses to say sorry. At times I think it correlates with his mood. If he’s tired or ‘hangry’ it is definitely worse. Sometimes he thinks he’s playing and he takes it too far.
We are trying to find good ways to deal with this new behaviour. We don’t think finger-wagging, nagging or shouting will help. If we speak sternly he has started telling us to ‘shut up’! A phrase he must have learned elsewhere. He’s still non-verbal and uses random phrases he hears at times. This is not a phrase we want to encourage! The question then is, what should we do now? We are trying to be patient, to correct his behaviour by letting him know it’s not the right thing, showing him other ways. His limited understanding and the need for repetition on a long-term basis make this a slow process. If anyone has any useful ideas or tried and tested tips I would really appreciate it!