Well after 9 months of maternity leave I returned to work this week. I have to admit I had mixed feelings about it. Part of me was looking forward to the adult interactions, the ‘normality’ of it all and probably mostly the money! The other (possibly bigger) part felt nervous, guilty and sad at leaving my babies again to go to work with other people’s.
Returning to work is a wrench for every mum, leaving your children, getting back into a routine, missing out on dropping them at school or nursery and in my case I will also miss out on seeing my middle guy start school on his very first day. I didn’t expect it all to be quite so emotional.
The type of work I do isn’t overly flexible with time off during the week, so meetings for J to support his PECS work and Nursery outings for B will transfer over to my mum and dad. Thank God we can rely on them to do these things. Yet I just feel like it’s another aspect of their little lives that I’m missing out on now. I’ve been lucky to be able to do it whilst on maternity leave and that my husband’s job has afforded me the time I’ve had too. I know not everyone is able to. I can’t help but feel the guilt though. Don’t get me wrong, the stay at home mum thing wasn’t all sweetness and light, it’s a hard job! I always saw myself as a working mum, a career person. Maybe it’s just the guilt and emotion talking, but I already miss being at home with them. I’m already thinking about the little things we won’t get to do any more; like impromptu lunches out, trips to the park in the afternoon and picnics in the sun.
Still, I’m not the first or the only and I certainly won’t be the last mum who has to do it. The lottery hasn’t yet paid off and we don’t have anyone with vast riches to bestow upon us, so for now it’s back to reality! Wish me luck!